4/30/2013. - Day 35 - It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to. And I did (just a little).

4/30/2013. - Day 35 - It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to. 

And I did (just a little). 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

 I awoke on my birthday to Jamie getting ready for work and subsequently leaving Dodger and I all alone. When I tried to get up, however, I discovered a very large problem. I couldn't. Pain was shooting down my neck into my shoulders and causing numbness in my fingertips. This is not good. And it’s my birthday dangit.

I lay on the couch helpless and sort of feeling as though I may throw up. I text Jamie and ask if she has a chiropractor here that she goes to. She reminds me that I am currently residing with a physical therapist, and then gives specific instructions for me to rehabilitate myself with a towel roll she has cleverly stowed in a wooden treasure chest on the shelf. I am to utilize this until she gets back to cure me.  

I open the chest and remove the towel roll and lie on it as directed. The pain does subside marginally after about an hour. But I’m going nuts doing nothing but lying around on my first day in Charleston. After awhile I try to get up again. The pain that makes you sure you will vomit if it doesn't subside returns instantly. Everyone who knows me knows I have zero tolerance for pain, am horrible when I am sick, and worse, cannot stay still or rest when I should. These qualities work against each other unfortunately. Luckily Jamie is not here to have to endure me and my whining. I should like to have a Kleenex box so I can at least mourn for myself. 

I resolve that I will not die if I have to lay here and wait for several hours. Dodger lies on the floor next to me. He is resting, too, but not on a towel roll; rather he is laying on my hand and hair as he is determined to be as close as possible without completely suffocating me as we lay there together in the sun.

From this angle I have a good view of the DVD selection in its shelving by the TV. If I have to lay here like a helpless fawn, I could at least watch a movie. I settle on Boondock Saints because it’s on everyone’s favorite list and the first time I watched it I didn't get it. Or I didn't pay attention enough to get it. Or something. Plus there's nothing better than a show about gun toting anti heroes on a rainy southern day. 

The hours tick by and finally Jamie is home from work. Sort of. She now has to put me back together which initially I was excited for. Once she began her “therapeutic massage” though, and I started uttering expletives as she tortured my shoulder blades, I had different feelings. Mostly feelings of hoping that if I throw up it does not land on either of us and comes out of the carpet easily.

When she is finished beating me within an inch of my life, or so it felt, I take a short breath and begin with slow movements. No pain. I position myself to get off the floor and while there is a little pain remaining, but for the large part I am cured. Jamie explains that PT really stands for "pain and torture"- and I can certainly understand that given what just took place on the living room floor. But I am ever so grateful.

We dive into the getting ready process and pick out dresses and shoes and accessories. Charleston is a fancy place which is half the reason I love it so much. You can wear a dress any day of the year, or a fancy hat, or both. You can wear heels and pretty necklaces and big sunglasses and spend your whole day sitting on the beach reading a book or searching for shells. There is only one drawback: from approximately June through August you cannot do these things because you will drown in your own sweat if heat exhaustion doesn't kill you first and the humidity doesn't suck the energy and life right out of you prior to that. I am fairly certain I could become a permanent resident here, with the exception of those three months in which I would either hibernate in an air conditioned pod or join a summer nudist colony that has a large pool.

 

Jamie and I have both been rather fond of Shem Creek since she first relocated to the south. Our first trip there was shortly after she moved. We were not entirely familiar with the area yet, and while exploring a route to get from one side to the other, utilized a method of climbing up to the highway overpass via a treacherous haphazard rock and dirt “staircase.” We emerged at the top of the overpass, walked across, and descended to the other side in a similar fashion. I recall Jamie musing that it’s a wonder these southern belles manage this in heels with the addition of liquor. I am wondering how I am managing this without any liquor and without spilling a fair amount of my own blood.

I should mention that Shem Creek is also a favorite spot for dolphins and on my last trip we enjoyed the most spectacular dolphin show any of us had ever seen while kayaking through Shem Creek and out into the ocean. Dolphins jumped and swam beside our kayaks and I thought I died and went to heaven. I freakin love dolphins. I don’t know what it is, but I love those creatures. So naturally we decided on Shem for my birthday, donned our dresses, and leashed up Dodger. Shem is dog friendly and since Dodger stuck it out with me on the floor all day, his reward is to get to try his luck in public. Dodger does not have the best track record with good behavior in public, but he is working on it. 

We enjoy seafood and drinks at Red’s Ice House. Opposite us at the bar is a group of gentlemen who are in the education business and frequently travel to North Dakota for sales work. Another reminder of the whole small world theory. They even know where “Minnewauken” is; though I’m not sure that counts for a whole lot…

Jamie and I talk about my trip, and her job, and life in general. We laugh so much that I can't help but realize how good it is to laugh. I tell Jamie that the last few weeks have been the best in my life, and that I'm happy. We reflect on this and she asks if I ever have been happy? Really truly happy?

I think I have, but it was temporary. An event or a moment, a short period of time, but never like this and never for sustained period of time. It's ironic to think about. A quarter of a century filled mostly with just getting by, being content, and going through the motions--sprinkled with a series of a few fleeting moments of happiness. 

It doesn't make for a very good story. I didn't want to look back on my life and see myself just wandering along, sometimes faster and other times more slowly--but not really towards anything in particular. Just maintaining the status quo. Several years ago I had a conversation with someone in which I expressed my desire to build a beautiful house. They suggested I just build the house then. I couldn't fathom starting something like that--not because I couldn't do it alone--but because it wasn't in the order that I had in my head. The order was something like: get married, get a dog, work, build a house, have children, etc. I couldn't start in the middle! That isn't how it's supposed to go!

But our story begins and ends where and how it is supposed to, and we make choices along the way that dictate that order, many of which only run askew when we let the picture in our heads determine our course of action. The only one with the right picture is our Creator.

When I told my cousin that I had quit my job and packed up to travel the country because I needed a "change," his response was that most people cut their hair. 

What I did was rather drastic.

But the picture in my head which I was trying to follow closely wasn't getting me where I wanted to be. So I handed the reins over and let the road unfold out in front of me. I let go. I started in the middle and got lost some of the time and discovered new things about myself. And I discovered that my faith could take me on some pretty intense journeys. And buried under all that weight of the things I "should" do to continue painting the perfect picture, was a snapshot of pure happiness that God was just waiting for me to discover. Once everything else was set aside, things were clearer and easier and happier. And it wasn't in quitting my job and taking a trip around the country--it was in taking time for myself, time to breathe, time to just enjoy simple things like the company of good friends, the way your hand feels when you hold it out the car window and let it ride the wind, and how the stars in the sky look from deep inside the darkness of the Grand Canyon at night. I think I just needed a break to see that everything was fine, I had all that I needed, and then trust that the rest was on course if I just kept my faith.

The server brings key lime pie for us to split and celebrate birthday festivities. Dodger wraps his leash around every leg of the table and still reaches unsuspecting guests who step too close to his wet nose. Later we go across the street to a place called "The Shelter" where there is a local band playing. I love this kind of thing and feel complete because I specifically requested we find some sort of festive live music to ring in my birthday. I'm through with the first quarter of my life so here's to that! The night is a complete success and it’s so great to spend my day in one of my favorite places with some pretty good company, too!