4/7/2013. - Day 12 - Rain drops. Rain boots. Rain clouds. More Rain.

4/7/2013. - Day 12 - Rain drops. Rain boots. Rain clouds. More Rain.

This morning I head to Our Savior's Lutheran church on Coburg Road. I have learned that Coburg Road leads to everything you need in Eugene--from shopping to salvation. It is again raining, so I'm wearing a nice skirt and rain boots. They are cute rain boots but seriously, enough with the rain.

As I walk out the door, I find my aunt Donna conversing with a neighbor. I ask if this is appropriate dress for church and the neighbor comments that it doesn't really matter what you wear; going to church is pretty much a ground breaking act in this region and attire is just bonus points. I am far from home.

Everyone in the congregation at Our Savior's is 75+, so it's basically the same demographic as in rural ND. The pastor is slightly annoyed with me for not signing the guest book upon entry but I was running behind and wanted to get into the sanctuary. He makes another effort during the sharing of the peace and asks if he can at least know my name, as if I am hostile and not signing the guestbook was a major declaration of a friendship standoff. Perhaps he is just not fond of rain boots. Or maybe he found a slug in his shoe this morning and that got him off to a poor start. Either way, I told him. My real name too, not a fake one like I sometimes use to save people the trouble of choking on their tongue when they try to pronounce "Arianne."

To make matters worse, he remembers my name when I take Communion so now I'm guilted into signing the guestbook. It's not that I don't want to be friendly or sign the freaking guestbook--it's that I'm being peer pressured into it and I just want to be welcomed not stared at under a microscope and forced to pronounce my name out loud. Gosh.

Nothing significant happens today and I'll save you from reading every minute detail of shopping at Costco, Trader Joes, and Euphoria Chocolate Company. It was, however, fun to see the town my aunt lives in and take a welcome break at home. We celebrate supper at McMenamins, a cozy place with a view of the Willamette River. Afterwards we enjoy some delicious hot chocolate before heading off to bed. 

4/6/2013. - Day 11 - Starin' up the Road, and Pray to God I see Headlights: More running, and more rain.

4/6/2013. - Day 11 -
Starin' up the Road, and Pray to God I see Headlights:
More running, and more rain.

The rain continues in Portland. It appears that is the specialty here. That and slugs. Lovely.

I'm wearing Nike shoes, isn't that enough?!

Of course we have to begin here again, at the Nike campus. Same location but different trail. This time we start on the Hollister Trail, which upon closer inspection appears to be designated for employees only...Oops. 

Note to self:  Be awesome when you are older to carry on the 

line of warriors that you are clearly descended from.

Addendum: Start yesterday. 

Echo is convinced that if we are wearing Nike brand  workout attire, that we may be safe from the patrolman on a Vespa. I am convinced that if we look him in the eye as he laps us and assume a serious and slightly annoyed stance, we will not have an issue. It doesn't matter because after a lap through the woods I am again winded. Severely. So another cool down lap it is, in which Echo runs basically in place while I drudge along. There is no shame like being whipped by your elders. Your fantastically in shape, barely aged, amazingly fit, and gorgeous elders. At least with any luck I've inherited those genes. I'm dragging along the last part of the trail with Echo running beside me and feeling like a  slug myself.  

After the daily Nike Campus torture routine, we enjoy a breakfast feast of crepes back in the Alphabet District at Vivace's. So far delicious food choices on this trip. Then it's a little more browsing of the stores. Echo and I enjoy the scenery and make the best of the rain. 

 By early afternoon, we are on the verge of goodbyes and more miles in the pickup. We have a brief rendezvous/photo shoot in the parking garage. I'm sure others watching were pretty pumped to be lucky enough to be merely onlookers and innocent bystanders witnessing all this talent.












Echo and I saying goodbye. In the parking garage. In style. We are totally related. Even though she likes running and I run only when being chased by bears or if I am running toward a donut shop.



It's now back to the pickup and off to Eugene to see more family. This should be a short trip, a little over and hour, but I have devised an alternate more scenic route per my aunt's advice and my own planning and use of my newly purchased atlas.

And this is where it goes wrong again- but not as wrong as Wednesday, thank goodness.

I think I have allotted enough time for this "short" detour; but I have not only gravely miscalculated, but it's still raining which just adds to the situation. My initial plan was to head to Tillamook and then wander down the scenic coastal highway towards Florence. I clearly did not fully research this route, because if I had I would have understood it was going to take way longer than the three hours I had estimated, and that was assuming good weather conditions. Which were not currently part of Mother Nature's plan.

So it rained all the way through the Tillamook forest. Or rather, it drenched the entire park. Which caused some minor flash flooding, some moderate risk in highway travel conditions, and some major anxiety in myself. When I reached Tillamook, I was not in the mood to explore, and as I began winding down the coastal highway, I realized the rain was making it nearly impossible to continue given slow speed and reduced visibility. Oh, and it had been two hours. I abandon the "scenic" plan and make for I-5. Another hour and I hit I-5 and it's pouring. My wipers are nauseating me as they have been on overdrive for over three hours now. Again, should have been an hour and a half trip. No big deal. But I had to go and complicate it. Thankfully there is a warm house and family waiting for me just a bit further down the interstate.

But of course one more heart attack has to be had. I'm struggling along in the rain and a semi decides to pass me. I move over as far as I can because let's face it, I can't see the lines on the road, so there is no way this joker can. As I'm moving over and being passed--a wave of water comes off of the semi and gushes over my pickup, causing temporary loss of sight and immediate and extreme panic. And THEN--I see a hitchhiker lurking inches from the side of my pickup in the brief flash of sight I have before the next wave of water hits from the passing traffic. I'm pretty sure I was extremely close to running over a hippie. And this is my breaking point for the greens. I'm sick of seeing hippies, I'm sick of smelling them, but this takes the cake because here's one, panhandling in the rain, inches from the lanes of the freeway, where he doesn't even have a prayer of being spotted. There is no chance he was visible to anyone who did not almost smoke him with their grille. Which was almost me. I am not ok with this.

I arrive in Eugene exhausted and hardly coherent due to my newly acquired PTSD, but I'm glad to see family. They have cold cereal to help bring me back to life. That trip took nearly 5 hours so maybe I'll get smarter in my route planning. I'm currently 0 for 2.
Tomorrow is another day.

4/5/2013. - Day 10 - Fear and Loathing at Nike World Campus.

4/5/2013. - Day 10 -

Fear and Loathing at Nike World Campus.


We start here this morning, and of course Echo is raring to go and I am less than motivated. Echo is a super human being who does crazy things like run marathons and also frequents a running group. In Alaska. For real. We are somehow related I guess.

The Nike track is a nice outdoor wood chip trail that smells like cedar. It's crisp out, hovering at about 40°, and the air is fresh with a sprinkle here and there (welcome to Oregon). Halfway through lap one (approximately a 2 mile circuit) I'm panting and pretty sure I have blood in my throat. Echo is talking and running and beating me in stamina in both. In my mind it is not possible to do both, you have to either talk or run. Echo has evolved to a point she is fluent and can manage these activities simultaneously. After lap one I suggest a cool down lap. I don't need to cool, but I do need to breathe. Then we run more.

Karen and I enjoying ourselves way too much.

Afterwards, we return home and decide on lunch at Philadelphia's, an amazing place in Portland that serves delicious sandwiches. On the drive home we encounter what appears to be a trap for aged out flower girl wannabes--a magnolia tree. All I can see is giant flower petals and I'm pretty sure I said, "we need to stop because I want to get out and play in those." So we did!

Echo couldn't resist after watching us!

Later we frequent Poppa's Haven Coffee Shop, which is also great and kind of operates on a build your own drink and make your own flavors philosophy.





At the coffee shop, we meet a character who enlightens us as to the finer activities of Portland. He seems focused on food, specifically food carts, despite my persistent questions about shopping and recreation, which is glazes over and repeatedly returns to food categories. He does, however, produce one gem--the Alphabet District.












We set off for the Alphabet District, and of course, a stop here:

You might say I have a bit of a Francesca's obsession....

And the gals at the Portland store were so nice!



We hit a few more shops along the way, and baby Jeannette slept as we walked. All of us took turns carrying that little doll and she just snoozed away. We stopped for a photo opp at Kitchen Kaboodle to let grandpa know we were thinking of him. (Grandpa, your daughter and granddaughter climbed a pole just to get this picture in. Sorry about that.) We also met up with the beautiful Autumn Gray to catch up and wander the shops.

The night wound down with babysitting Jeannette and Echo and I staying up late like a middle school sleepover and talking into the night. I won't see this aunt of mine for a coon's age, so the sleep sacrifice is worth it!

4/4/2013. - Day 9 - You have died of dysentery. Welcome to the Oregon Trail.

4/4/2013. - Day 9 - You have died of dysentery. 

Welcome to the Oregon Trail.


This morning in Seattle is raining but I'm not upset because it has been beautiful during the rest of my time here. There was a small setback yesterday, again which we will revisit, and also a lot of allergens in the air so I'm less than 100%. Portland is today's destination, and it isn't far, so I guess it's ok if I have to drive along in a drizzle, toting a fistful of lotion tissues. No big deal. 


I hit traffic seconds away from Bothell, and the rain had already become so bad that it had decreased the speed limit. Seattle has a fun system where they have LED signs on the highway and they can adjust the speed limit to fit the road conditions. Very crafty. 

Traffic stays heavy the majority of the drive. And it's gloomy outside with rain coming down most of the way and clouds hanging around and blocking the sunlight. 

Oregon. Here we are. And I made it without dying of dysentery. I am dying of allergen overload but this seems much more survivable. It's a quick drive from the border to Portland, and mostly through industrial areas which were not pretty. And it was raining. And my nose was running faster than half a box of Kleenex lotion tissues could withhold. Misery. 


















It's not difficult to find my way to my home away from home for the next two days. The trip has aligned perfectly with my aunt Echo's weekend visit to Portland. She and her friend Karen have come all the way from Anchorage AK, to welcome Karen's granddaughter, who is just five days old, into the family. Upon arriving I am immediately introduced to Jeannette, just five days old and barely 6 pounds--and beautiful. I immediately suggest a mommy/daddy date night for tomorrow so that we can have time to cuddle the baby! (and of course, they agree!) 


The rest of the night is low key, dinner and conversation and sleep. And of course, Echo reminds me that I have agreed to run, yes RUN, with her tomorrow. Yay me. But seriously, I'm overjoyed to get to spend time with Echo as our visits are so few and far between. Another blessing from the many this trip has already bestowed upon me. 

4/3/2013. - Day 8 - "She saw objectives, not obstacles." Back to the beginning...

4/3/2013. - Day 8 -

"She saw objectives, not obstacles."











Today I saw a mountain of obstacles overshadow my objectives. I faced multiple challenges and ultimately found that I was my own biggest obstacle. While I'm pondering how to put today into the right words, we are going to skip over today and start at the beginning. In the middle of the story. And while that doesn't make sense, it seems a lot of things in life don't quite go in the order we think they will happen. And that's what messes us up--the ideas and pictures we have about how it's "supposed" to be. We'll come back to today's story, but for now we'll dig into how I got here in the first place.


"I've gone to find myself. If I get back before I return, keep me here until I get back."

I've had a lot of conversations recently about my choice to kind of take off suddenly, break away from the norm, drop everything, and basically drive around like a gypsy. Some have asked if I'm going to "find myself," and the answer is yes, well, sort of yes.

The common idea of going to find one's self is something I've been pondering lately. The more I think about it, the more I feel we don't really go to find anything. What we are searching for is already within us, and the search is then for a place where we can be who we know we are. I already know who I am, but the hard part is finding a place where I can most freely and easily be entirely that person. Not half heartedly and tentatively, but wholly myself. 



The truth is, if you are unhappy, you must change something. And I was unhappy. I was unhappy that my life was not on the planned out/organized on a spreadsheet/drawn up in my head and chartered across my dreams course that I had imagined. I loved the small town life, but knew it was starving me. I loved my job, but admitted it was scarring me. I loved being near my family, but had come to understand that sometimes the best way to be close isn't topographic proximity. We get comfortable in a place and stop growing if we aren't careful. Like plants that get root bound in their pot, if we don't expand and give ourselves room to grow, we become contained and stunted. I stopped growing and started to become afraid that I didn't know who I was anymore, or what my dreams and aspirations were. Even more, I feared I knew what they were and was afraid I would not be able to attain them.

And that fear was a very powerful thing.

I like to think that we are all quite good at reassuring others --that their hair doesn't look frizzy, that their test probably went better than they thought, that this breakup is for the best even if it doesn't seem like it right now, etc.--that ultimately God has something bigger and better planned for them. In my heart, when I am telling another person these reassuring things, I am utterly sincere and I truly believe them. But when it's time for me to believe these truths for myself--I fall short of my faith. I let my fear take over and tell myself lies that say these things are absolutely true for others, but not for me. And once you believe the fear, the unhappiness is just around the corner.

Lots of people asked before I left if I was afraid. Of course I wasn't afraid--I was TERRIFIED. But I was not terrified in the way you would think. Driving across the country solo was not what scared me. Failure was. And failure to me was coming back empty handed/having to live as a homeless bum under a bridge. (Side note: I initially considered myself a bum due to having no job and little monetary resources. Kristen informed me this was not true, and clarified that I am merely a "gypsy." Not a lot better in my book, but at least grammatically correct.)  People also said they were excited for me, and some conveyed they were almost jealous they were not able to do something similar. Still others said they were inspired. Inspired? By me? And here I am still thinking "I am TERRIFIED!" What a difference perspective makes. I've spent my life dreaming of ways to inspire others, and here all I had to do was quit my job, pack all my worldly possessions, and become a bum, er, a gypsy!

When this started, I didn't have a plan. I had a drastic idea that was a frantic attempt to force myself to move forward. I'm a firm believer that if our goals and ideas don't scare us, they are not big enough or daring enough. We can't grow without leaving our comfort zones. My comfort zone is orderly, structured, planned out, budgeted, and mapped comprehensively in a well organized Excel file. So I threw all of that out the window.

One of my favorite bloggers, Holley Gerth, writes: 

Sometimes our comfort zones are the walls that block us from God’s best for our lives. When we dare to step beyond them, we open the doors to things we never thought possible.

We grow. And our faith does too.

It seems that’s where I most often find Jesus too–not in the familiar or safe but just beyond the edge of what I think I can handle. It’s in those moments that I suddenly find His hands holding me.

So don’t despair if decades pass between the dream and its fulfillment. This is God’s economy, and it’s perfect. 

I quit my job, packed my pickup, and took off. I left without a road map, which actually was an accident but was very liberating. Until I needed to know where I was going....That aside, I left. I knew I needed fellowship, I needed more opportunity, and I needed some time away to clear my head of all the responsibilities and nagging "should haves" that plagued me. I was trapped under the guilt of all of my obligations and suffocating amidst all of my comfortable and familiar surroundings. 

So right now, I think I'm actually living. I mean, I don't know if what I've been doing the past few years was actually living, or if it was merely just existing. The first few days I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time. I stopped at a restaurant, at some businesses, for fuel, to have my pickup worked on, and to run errands. But this time it was different. Everyone was happy, helpful, positive. The service on the pickup took more time than I wanted, the errands took longer to run, my food did not arrive promptly--but it was different. I was understanding. I was empathetic. I felt joy. I spend a lot of time feeling obligated to help, to fix, to solve the world's problems and in those first few free days I remembered joy. Not the joy of having no responsibility or commitments; but the joy of just being able to enjoy the day and not worry about every little thing. It helped me to see people and situations more positively, which in turn made me feel more positive. I have no schedule, no deadline, no place to be. So I'm just enjoying every experience for what it is. It's giving me an entirely new perspective on life, one I hope I can retain when I re enter the civilized population. But for now I'm letting go. I encourage you to try that sometime--even just for a day--because it is the most liberating thing I have ever done. 

 As I travel along, I am cherishing the time I spend with friends and family. I'm reminded of how important it is to take time out for the people in our lives, and I'm reminded of how much I've missed it. I'm exploring different parts of the country and learning about myself as I go along. The point is not to reach a certain destination, discover the purpose of life, or achieve an exact end result. The point is fellowship, growth, and faith. 

Everyone is growing up and getting more and more encumbered by obligations and jam packed calendars. It's hard to get together or fit in the hour long daily phone calls you could manage in high school or the weekend getaways and vacations we could take in college. As we all grow and change, it's essential to understand that our relationships will change, people won't have the same leisure time they did before and what little time to themselves they do have, they will spend differently. It doesn't mean friends are less important, but that life has changed and so too then have relationships. 

But it's still important to remember the importance of those people in our lives. Even if it's not coffee dates, an every day phone call, or the miles between mean you can make the next event--a card, a thoughtful text, a quick message that says, "you are important in my life and I'm glad you are a part of it" is huge. It doesn't have to be in those words, but just reaching out and taking the time, even a few seconds, to acknowledge that connection is important. Human beings were made for fellowship. I need others in my life and I need to make time for fellowship a priority. I need to seek out ways to grow and constantly be challenged. And I need to continually find ways to deepen my faith-- because faith in God includes faith in His timing--even when it isn't my timing. 

In short (or rather by the way I write--in LONG), I needed a break, a change of scenery, and a chance to examine all aspects of my life. I'll be on the road for several more weeks, exploring the land and exploring myself, and hopefully rediscovering what I need to be happy and be the most true self I can be. I'll be working on writing a better story. 


Regardless of how the story ends, that ending will only be the beginning of another chapter of my story. I will not regret this when I look back and I have always known that. Even from the very beginning. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I do know that right now, at this exact moment, I am happy. So I know it's right.

4/2/2013. - Day 7 - Curiosity in Seattle.

4/2/2013. - Day 7 - Curiosity in Seattle.

"Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop."

This seems so simple and yet as humans we at times find this the hardest instruction ever. This trip is, in a way, my beginning, or rather the beginning of a new story. In this chapter, I write purposefully the plot, and carefully select the characters who will partake in each scene. This is my life, or at least a section of it. And this is the journey I take as I am learning to write a better story. At the end of this chapter, the story isn't over; rather, another will begin. But when it comes to an end, I will stop. When you come across something wonderful, a relationship, an opportunity, or a once in a lifetime experience, seize it. Explore it and relish in it and enjoy it fully. And when it's time to let go, when it's over or your time together has come to an end, let go gracefully. Stop. One of my favorite quotes from Buddha says this,“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” It's easy at the end of each chapter to want to hold on, add an extended ending, or go back and rewrite, but that's not how life is lived. Go purposely through your chapters, and when they wind down, welcome the new opportunities that await you on the next page. 

Today is the day we have set aside for Seattle exploration. This is the first day since my arrival to Washington that it has been overcast, and the morning has quite a subdued and gloomy feel to it. We commandeer Scott’s vehicle and set off for the city. Kristen first takes me to Puget Sound for some sightseeing and pizza. We have a great view of the city skyline during lunch, and then make our way towards the space needle.

The clouds hang in the sky throughout the early afternoon as we work our way through the attractions surrounding the space needle and contemplate the fee for the Chihuly garden and glass sculptures. 

Kristen is the ultimate budget manager, thankfully, so we pass on Chihuly and settle for glimpses of the ornate art through the bushes. After navigating the parking lot, which turned out to be some sort of trickery due to the exit being completely concealed, we moved onto Pioneer Square. We double teamed the parallel parking effort and successfully docked the car so we could stroll and see more of the sights, and who are we kidding, the SHOPS! 

We steered in the direction of Pike Place Market, the Great Wheel, and Ye Olde Curiosity Shop. The market was abuzz with tons of unique items, local artists, fresh fish, people from all walks of life conversing and mulling about, and beautiful spring flowers. We selected a fragrant bouquet with colorful daffodils and large pink tulips and moved on to Starbucks, store zero.

It was then down to the Curiosity Shop, where I was awed, amazed, and disturbed by the display contained within. As we made our way back to the car, Kristen sabotaged our healthful intentions with a detour into the candy store where we filled our crisp paper bags with gummies, taffy, caramels, and other pieces of sugary joy. I have never in my life been to a candy store, and probably took a little too much liberty in filling my bag with what I considered to be a "reasonable" amount. 

We left the candy shop and proceeded to gorge ourselves on our spoils while we sat on the pier and watched the brave souls up on the Great Wheel. Around and around they went, with the wheel rotating over the bay while the lights flashed a bright green and blue from the enormous metal structure. We passed on taking a ride ourselves, but did stumble upon a carousel next. Now is a good time to mention I harbor an intense love of carousels.

The music, the lights, the carnival-like atmosphere—the whole nostalgic feeling that comes with watching the glowing faces of children as they ride around (or my face as I ride around)—I love it. We watched awhile and then headed home. We raced Scott home to see who had to make dinner and sadly, the girls lost, even with access to the carpool lane. Of course we had leftovers from Easter, and this was beyond satisfying since Scott’s mom was the original chef. 

I’m excited for tomorrow, as we've been discussing the route for an epic bike trip and I can’t wait to get behind those handlebars. 

4/1/2013. - Day 6 - April's Fools. Wallace Falls State Park. The Whole Family Goes Hiking.

4/1/2013. - Day 6 - April’s Fools.

Wallace Falls State Park. The Whole Family Goes Hiking. 

We set out for Wallace Falls for a little mountain hiking today.  Good thing we dressed in removable layers, because the clouds in the sky at the time of our departure were deceiving. Upon arriving at the park, the sun came out, the mountains came into view, the temperature amped up, and our hike commenced.

As we journeyed up the mountain trail, everything was fresh and green, and we could hear the falls up ahead. The temperature seemed to get warmer and warmer, but I also might have been experiencing my body boiling from the burn of the exercise. Kristen kept saying “no pain, no gain” until the incline increased and she didn’t have extra breath to talk because she was panting like Rossi. I did look back once and repeat the saying to her, to which she replied “I’ve had enough gain.” At this point everyone was out of breath so we conserved our resources and fell silent.

Halfway up we’d had a few glimpses of the falls, an actual fall by Arianne, and considered stopping short of the upper falls because we were low on stamina. Of course we continued on and I think Pebbles and Rossi pulled Kristen and me some of the way up the remainder of the trail.

When we finally made it, the mist coming off of the upper falls was welcome, as at this point I’d shed pretty much all of the layers I legally could and the cool crisp spray coming off the splash of the falls was refreshing.We stopped at an overlook to enjoy the mist coming off the water. A discussion was also held about whether or not Scott's hair would double as a life jacket if he tumbles into the rapids. 



The Lynch family today includes Pebbles, Kristen, Rossie and Scott-- representing UND!




















The Arianne Martinovich family as of today is just one, plus Rossi who was my hiking companion and probably wants to come live with me.

 

We took a brief rest to pose for a few pictures, and then began the much easier descent.

Over five miles of nature was behind us at the end of our workout.

 Upon returning to the car we went searching for burgers and landed at Vick’s Burger Shack, where we shared family dinner at an outdoor picnic table in the sunshine. This was welcome atmosphere given we’d have been wearing coveralls if we attempted this at home at this time of year. We returned to Bothell tired but glad for the fresh air and exercise, if not a little wary of what our muscles would feel like tomorrow!